75. COLD PASS THROUGH ME

cold passes through me
my pores
stiffen and hum drily
with Aeolean winds
that shake and shatter me
silently

My thoughts rise
like the bloated winter clouds
snow within
nobody knows
only the snow
in the pit of my stomach

No fire burns here
but the cold unconsuming flame
of a vision of Moses
signifying nothing
in the tangled underbrush
of my mind

Lord the birds
a flutter of distant wings
in the clouds
a million million miles away
inside me

Cold
your body is like the body
of a woman I had
last night
Only the fire of despair…

…cold
I was drunk
a winter’s night
or fall
even summer
to me
I was shaking–cold

In the month of New Ember
A crow came to me
sat on my shoulder and
wept
And there was vastness
between my shoulders
old
wind laden with
the dust inside a
wine barrel those breath
of red & warm & forget
has evaporated
to feed the cold
unconsuming fires
of it all…

I feel the opiate
opiate of being & being
too dull to know all knowledge
coursing through the ubiquitous
vein–like entrails of
(thoughts)
that hunted, bleeding, gut—spilling sow

I have crossed the river
not knowing whence I came
Now in my 18th year
I stand wet naked cold alone
on the muddy bank
the coin is in my hand
And not even a boatman
all my cherished aspirations
handful of coins
I think I lost them
long ago

What is this land
I have come to
that it should gloom
with the water vapors
of gray sky
and tell me nothing now in the night
the mist has gone
the river has become
a vast ocean or eternity
I see now
a city
the dark banks
extend into nothingness on both sides
the lights of the city
neon foolishness
they twinkle
in the tide heaving slowly at my feet
the dark banks
extend into nothingness on both sides
though I think I can see
the tide that heaves twinkling at my feet
stretched out across the heavens
and in the dark
banks of my mind
wind the cold
blows to me
thoughts
of a perfumed whisper
the comfort
someone passes me
on dark street
amid the banked snow
a pleasant girl
streets
lines
a straight line is
the shortest
distance
between two points
between
empty
public squares
or just crossroads
I can wander aimlessly
and nothing
will fill the
emptiness inside me
I can stand under
the lights
I can watch cars
I can watch people
I can
I can stand on the curb
and when the streets
and the spaces at their ends
are empty
there I am
there
are street lights.